I've been very touched (haaaa ha... sigh) by the number of people who have shared Wednesday's post about the prolific levels of sexual harassment against women (there were around 2500 views on the page at the time of writing this - whoa).
Truly, the most common thing guys have said to me about it after reading is "I never knew it was this bad" and women said "it really is this bad."
Lots of gals have shared their experiences with me by phone and email and on facebook private message, and I think it's so, so important to keep doing this. Most have much worse experiences, and a longer list than mine. Raising awareness of just how bad it really is will be pivotal, I think, to change. Nobody wants it like this.
Report everything.
To each other, and to the police.
We can and must be shame-free about it, as we have not been the ones treating others so awfully.
My mother also shared her experiences with me via email. Post this, she said, because the sheer number of incidents every woman has gone through is terrible and unacceptable.
Enduring creepy and sick behaviour has clearly become a weird little norm, and we need to expose that norm for the traumatising and damaging version of events that it is.
So.
Here are my mother's own words. Feel free to share yours, too.
We had a dirty old man (married) in the neighbourhood who liked to take little girls into his basement, onto his lap, and fiddle with their genitals. Four of us never told, I guess having an adult take an interest in us was intriguing, it was a secret.
Was up a pinetree in the park, taking a break from blackberrying, when a man came out of the bushes and said, "I want you." Instinctive terror took hold and I scurried down the tree and ran yelling for Mum, pushing my brother into the blackberries in my haste. Mum was furious and gave the man a loud bollocking, assuming he was hiding somewhere and could hear.
Was fishing with my brother and a little boy from up the road; they went further up the stream. A man came and asked me if i knew what .....? was. I didn't. He got on top of me and tried to rape me through my shorts, unsuccessfully, and asked me to take my pants off. I was so confused, frightened (thought he might kill me) and embarrassed, and refused. The boys came back so he masturbated fully in front of us and gave us a shilling for icecream at the dairy over the road. Told me never to tell. Little kids don't - it's an adult, after all. A year later, though, I told my sister, who told Mum, who was horrified. I was 9 and knew nothing about sex so was very vulnerable.
One of Mum's boyfriends fondled my breasts early one Sunday morning. I was embarrassed but never told Mum. A oncer. I had to tell another boyfriend of hers off years later. Another french kissed me and I told Mum who had a go at him.
Another brother asked if he could get into bed with me when we were sharing a room at Mum's. Didn't sleep much the rest of the night and I was so very angry for years and years at his stupidity.
My sister was babysitting a friend's kids and got raped by the husband. She was a teen. Never told. Probably thought she had somehow led him on and didn't want to make trouble with their marriage?
I had a musical friend whose associate sang opera and gave her lessons in return for her accompanying him on the piano. He said to her, "Open your mouth wide, just as if you were sucking a man's cock."
Another one was giving her a private massage and wanted to have sex with her.
These creepos recognise a woman's vulnerability and see what they can get away with.
Thankfully, all my boyfriends and both my husbands were and are decent lovely men.
Report everything!